So, this morning I woke up and realized it was October 20th. This date was stuck in my mind as our friend's due date, our friend B who had a miscarriage at 11 1/2 weeks the day after Charlotte was born.
I've written about her before. The Everything happens for a reason friend.
Anyway, I had told myself to remember today because I wanted to send her a note that I was thinking of her. Her coworker delivered last week and they were due at about the same time. I figured today might be hard for her.
So, I sent a little e-card with a flower on it, and a note that said Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you today on what might have been baby's birthday. Simple. Not over the top sappy.
I get an email back a few minutes ago,
Oh thanks for the e-card. I forgot about it actually. I just can't wait to get pregnant again.
So, now I feel like an idiot.
Blah.
First, I feel like an idiot for remembering when she didn't. How is that possible?
Secondly, that last part of her message implies (and I know I'm reading too much into everything nowadays, it's been a character flaw lately), that she's looking towards the future. And I'm not. I'm stuck her reliving my baby's death day after day and while I'm functioning, I am not looking towards the future. Dreading the future maybe? Frightened to death of the future?
I know our circumstances are ultimately very different, but I thought that I could at least share this with her. Lend an ear on a day that no one else would likely acknowledge.
Wow. I couldn't even do that.
It's times like this that I feel that I have nothing, absolutely nothing, in common with the rest of the world.
Blah.
4 comments:
How in the world could you forget your due date? Very odd.
That is very weird. I can't forget any dates related to my miscarriages. Sometimes I wish I could.
I have reached out to a few other women who have experienced losses & received similar responses (& felt the same way you do). It feels like a slap in the face, doesn't it? But I still think you can be proud that you took the high road & did the right thing -- treated others the way you wished you had been treated. I hope the response will be more positive the next time around.
I'm sorry that your act of compassion (and I give you a ton of credit for reaching out while your own loss is still so fresh) was met with such strangeness and indifference. I know that everyone grieves differently, but I can't fathom it either - our boy's due date was very hard for me.
Thinking of you and wishing you better days.
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