My weight loss has been sufficient enough that I am finally beginning to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. Finally. That's great, but it comes with a horrible side effect. Every time I put on a newly-fitting garment my mind trails to the last time I wore it, about a year ago.
So, I've been thinking how much can change in a year.
One year ago, I was working 65 hours a week between three jobs and I didn't know I was pregnant yet. I was exhausted and in desperate need of free time, and my biggest problem was figuring out when I was going to do the Christmas shopping.
One year ago, I had no idea what "broken hearted" really meant.
One year ago, I was anxiously awaiting AF, and wondering if this was the month. (It was.)
So, so, much has changed in this year.
Where will I be a year from now? A few possibilities:
Maybe, I'll have a baby. If the stars align and the universe is on my side and I get pregnant our first month or two of TTC.
Maybe, I'll be pregnant. Lying on my left side popping blood pressure pills and hoping and praying that all will be well and I'll make it to the third trimester.
Maybe, I'll be shattered again by having another baby die. Maybe the HELLP will come back and not only will I lose the child but have worse long term effects.
Maybe, I'll have trouble getting pregnant this time and a year from now I'll be frustrated beyond words.
Time scares the shit out of me, to be honest.
What does a year mean to you? Where do you see yourself in a year?
3 comments:
A year means going through the motions with no real purpose, at least that is what the last year has meant for me. I hope that in a year from now I am holding my child. Biological or otherwise. If not, I hope that in a year from now, I will be able to accept my fate.
The truth is, I can't really tell you where I see myself in a year. I have no clue what will happen and I can't even venture a guess. It's too hard to get up hopes, just to have them crushed.
I would love to say I see myself with a new baby a year from now. I doubt it.
A year ago today I was 10.5 weeks pregnant with my twins, was released by my RE and had my first appointment with my OB, where, according to my records, I measured at 14 weeks and was down 5 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was starting to believe that we might actually have a baby or two in the spring.
A year from now? I have absolutely no idea.
Hoping this is the month for you...
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