My sister and niece have come and gone. What a darling, darling little baby. She's nearing the 18-month mark, has mastered a toddler's walk, and is learning new vocab every day. She looks like a blend of my sisters and I, and I really really would have kept her, if the option had been there. Of course, it wasn't.
It was so natural to spend time with her. It was really, really hard to see her as my niece alone and not mine, as she looks so much like me and in her little mind's confusion often called me mommy. It broke my heart, every time. We cuddled and played and sang songs, she has mastered the "ABC" part of the alphabet song and we made progress at "LMNOP". Even though we had never met before she had no transition period- she latched on from the moment she arrived to my sister's delight, who was desperate for some child-free time. She adored M- she literally followed him around the house and he tickled her, wrestled with her and gave her piggy back rides. She called him daddy many times. Again, broke my heart. And M's.
And now she's gone, and Bumblebee will be long here before I see her again. While she was here it was so difficult to not wish for two little girls - they would have had such fun, and they would have grown to be so close.
I only had one really bad emotional spell, in the middle of the night on Saturday night, which kept me up for hours and I tried to distract myself by reading vacation guides to Florida. I finally crept back to bed at 6am, trying to void my mind of the injustice, once again, in losing Charlotte.
Sigh.
Bumblebee came very, very close to not passing a NST yesterday. The first 20 mins were a straight line on the monitor- no fluctuation in HB at all. This baby freaks me out on a regular basis. He is not a big mover. I go hours without feeling him, and even when he does move, the movements are so gentle. I often miss them if I don't have my hands on my tummy. Anyway, he slept soundly through the first part of the NST, and Lovely Nurse seemed a big worried. I had already had a popsicle and juice, so I had more juice and we jiggled my belly and I rolled onto my side. He finally did wake up a little, and they got the readings they wanted and the strip was read as "normal". I have been a compulsive kick counter all along, and while I always get the requisite "6 in 2 hours" my doctors talk about, I really wish he was more active. I don't really know what else to do- I have NSTs every 2 days as it is. I kick count. I call my nurse if he doesn't move and we do another NST. BPPs every week. It frightens me so that he might slip away and I not even notice it because he's such a lethargic baby. I truly cannot wait until this baby comes out. Mentally I am getting to the end of my rope. My BP is on it's way up to prove it.
32w5d now. Getting so close. Still feels like forever.
9 comments:
Praying for your little slow poke to come out screaming! God Bless.
Oh how adorable - but how heartbreaking - that your sweet niece called you by those precious, precious names.
It sounds like a wonderful, but emotionally exhausting, visit.
I get that you've had enough. But, wow - 32w5d! You're almost "there", anyway :)
Are they planning delivery at 37 weeks? that is 4 more weeks :) I know, I am terrified to get to that point as well, but I am holding my breath along with you. So far so good baby :)
I ironically have an anterior placenta this time, which means all movement I feel is muffled and I feel less over all then I did with Evan. Gulp.
I am glad you had a good visit with your sis and niece.
I know this must be so scary for you. You are almost there. You will have your beautiful baby boy!
Glad you had a good visit with your sister and your neice! It sounds like you had lots of fun together - even if it was bittersweet at times.
Sorry about all the close calls - but hopefully this means that Bumblebee will be a calm baby on the outside too!
Maybe they can do an AFP to check for lung maturity and take the little bugger out a bit early if he keeps up this 'let's make mommy worry even more' game. just keep in close touch with your doc and MAKE THEM LISTEN if you think something is wrong. I firmly believe in mom's instincts, regardless of the db past. DOn't let them poo poo your worry b/c you had a 'bad outcome' before. (I HATE that term). Really, if you need more medical intervention to make you feel safe about this little guy, then by all means get it. You and this baby deserve nothing less.
You are so close, so close. I'm thrilled!
xxoo
I second Kalakly! Thinking of you and hoping time goes by faster for you.
I went through the same feelings right at 32 weeks when pg with A. I was just done. It was too stressful. And A was alot like bumblebee and often didn't pass her NST's, which always scored us an immediate BPP, which she would pass, eventually. Hang in there. You are getting so close!
And congrats on 32 weeks! That is a huge milestone!
Your niece sounds adorable. And heartbreaking.
Don't hesitate to go in for a check if you feel like something's not right. That's what they're there for! (((hugs)))
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