I haven't posted lately. I haven't had much to say.
Everything is going fine, pregnancy-wise. Tomorrow is our next BPP, and I think Bumblebee has grown. I feel bigger, he feels bigger. Of course, it's hard to tell. We'll see tomorrow.
I'll be 32 weeks tomorrow.
I never thought I'd make it this far, neither did my doctors. Things are relatively stable. BP seems to be under control, which is great. I'm hanging in there. Still feeling very blah, but I'm finding the days are ticking by and time is going a little faster. It's literally just a few weeks now. I can't believe it.
I have trouble imagining myself with a living baby, which is just as well. Our house is almost baby-ready, with new gear showing up via courier all the time (online shopping is great when you're on bedrest!), and we have gutted closets and reorganized rooms. The little one could show up right now and he'd have a place. For now, it all kind of feels like I'm playing house, but in time it will be real, and that's hard to believe.
I have nightmares, almost every night. Makes sleeping difficult, and not at all restful. In my dreams, the baby has died in every way a baby can possibly die- infection, random stillbirth, cord accidents, SIDS. I wake up sweating and shaking. It takes me a few minutes to calm down and I rarely get back to sleep. I can sleep all day anyway so it doesn't really matter. At any rate, I'll be very very relieved when this pregnancy is over. I'm pretty calm when I'm awake, but the dreams are starting to really get to me. I dread going to bed.
My sister and little niece are coming tomorrow, travelling across the country to visit for a few days. I haven't met my little niece yet- she was born the week before Charlotte, full term and healthy. I don't see her the way I see Charlotte- for one thing, Charlotte should be a few months younger if she had gone to term. At any rate, I'm hoping to be able to really enjoy the little one this weekend without seeing everything as a "what-if" or a "should-have-been". That said, I am expecting some sad moments. We'll see.
I'll post a quick update tomorrow after the BPP.
Hope all is well with all of you.
7 comments:
32 weeks, that is wonderful. Can't wait to meet your Bumblebee.
32 weeks is a very good thing, but I hate it that you have to deal with so many nightmares.
Hoping the BPP goes really well and that your visit with your niece is a good one. And my fingers are crossed, as always, for Bumblebee.
Glad to hear that you and bumblebee are still doing well. Hope you get good news tomorrow. And that everything goes well with your visit this weekend.
Happy to hear from you and that things are going well. So sorry about the nightmares. It is understandable considering all you have been through but still that does not make for a comforting restful night. I hope they go away soon and you can get some rest. 32 weeks WOW that is great to hear! Hope all is great with your visit!
glad things are going well. I've been thinking of you.
There you are! I was getting worried again. I'm with you on the dreams although the babies in mine are actually starting to live. And sometimes I'm not sure what scares me more. Are my dreams now tempting fate?? Thankfully the dreams never seem to last long, good or bad, as sooner or later I need to get up to pee. 29 weeks here. We're getting there.
xo
Wow, what an incredible milestone. I'm so excited for you and Bumblebee! I can't imagine how surreal it must be to think that this might actually happen! You are doing so well, honey. Just keep taking one day at a time. . .
So glad to hear from you :)
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