21 and 4

I'm still pregnant. 21w4d now. Tomorrow is ultrasound #4, and if bumblebee is growing how he should, he will now be bigger than Charlotte was at birth. She was 3 weeks growth restricted so the size of a 21 week baby. So, so small. I have trouble with the fact that bumblebee is passing her, even though he must, he absolutely must. It's sad though, for some reason.

I've been feeling swollen and bloated, and have been eating too much ice cream. It was unseasonably hot, and now unseasonably cold, which suits my mood just fine. The typical summer vacation mode/carefree attitudes/sprinkler running summer is out of my reach this year. I'm in cocoon mode.

On Sunday morning, in between thunderstorms and dark clouds, M and I went to our city's only decent park for a little picnic. The last time I was there was back in October, for the Walk to Remember. There's a little clearing there called The Angel's Grove, where every year a tree is planted in memory of the babies who died that year. We went to check on the 2008 tree, which is a stubby little blue spruce and growing just fine. It was unexpectedly emotional. With its stroller friendly paved walking trails, duck ponds and playgrounds, every toddler in this city avails of this park in the spring and summer. I hate that all these lost babies have to be memorialized in trees, and none of them got to run, splash in the water or climb the statues. So unfair. What else is new.

Had a bad BP day yesterday, but it seems ok today. I'm getting to that scary part of the pregancy now, the horrible weeks between almost viability and real viability, the worst time to have a baby. Dr ObGYN wants me in every week now, which is fine with me. I have strict instuctions to head to L&D if I have a headache, a tummy ache, any high BP readings. All symptoms I'm familiar with from last time.

Still watching teen dramas, reading trashy novels and sleeping. That's it. One day at a time.