I think we're pretty much done with the BabyLand friends.
We were doing ok there for awhile. Sure, I hadn't been near the baby since the one disastrous attempt back in July, which caused to turn down invitation after invitation to showers, christenings, Halloween parties. We were ok with that; we know our role has changed. I'm not going to put myself through baby-centered activities right now, I'm just not.
About six weeks ago the six of us went to brunch, sans baby, and that was ok. We made a commitment to get together, just adults, once a month or so. I was happy with this arrangement. Sure, we'd be out of much of social gatherings, but at least we'd have some contact every now and again with our friends.
We were supposed to get together on Friday night. It would be eight of us this time, as they extended the invitation to our friends S and P who have a one year old son, our godson. We've seen S and P pretty regularly since Charlotte, and they know the BabyLand friends through us. We've heard through the grapevine the they've all been spending a lot of time together with the kids, and we weren't surprised.
Anyway, it all started with emails two weeks ago. Friday or Saturday night? Saturday is good for us, we replied. Heather works Friday nights.
Didn't hear anything. Then, earlier this week:
Dinner reservations are made for 630 Friday night, bowling afterwards.
Oh. We replied: sorry, we can't make it to dinner, have to work, let us know what time to meet you bowling.
I finished work Friday evening. We sat around waiting for the call. 8:00, 8:30, 9:00 passed. Finally, 9:15 the phone rang.
We're not going bowling now. Everyone is too full.
Oh, well do you want to come over here?
No.
Oh, well do you want to meet for coffee?
Ok.
So, we warmed up the car and headed down to the closest coffee shop. They were waiting for us.
We chatted for maybe 20 minutes. Then they were all tired, wanted to go home.
So that was our social event for this month.
I've nothing in common with the girls anymore. The conversation was Christmas decorating, craft fairs, parties and baby food. Not exactly my choice of topics. I managed to chat about the gym, my job, things like that, but was undeniably left out of much of the conversation.
Makes me wonder how much longer this will continue.
I really, really, don't see a day where I'll be comfortable with their baby. I don't see the day where I can sit down with this little girl who is the same age Charlotte should be, and not have my heart shatter. Maybe I'll change my mind, but I don't think so.
It's one thing to run into babies I know are close in age at church or shopping, but to watch one grow up alongside is too painful. And a girl, of course.
I think it's over.
3 comments:
Oh Heather I am so sorry. I haven't had to deal with much of this yet. I had a friend (well, the sister of a close friend) due the same day as me. She had a rough, complicated pregnancy. I on the other hand, had an easy pregnancy. The day after our due date, her doctor induced her and a few hours later, she had a little girl. The same day, I went in to early labour. Three days later, my daughter died and I delivered her the next day. I have not been able to see this girl and you know what, I don't think I ever will again. As long as my friend is in my life, his sister is always going to be around. I know one day, I will see her. But right now, I'm putting as much distance between us as we possibly can.
And yes, she had to have a girl too, didn't she. It's all so hard.
I'm so sorry. People fucking suck. I know that doesn't help, but I think it's true.
I'm so sorry.
I'm AMAZING at cutting people out of my life. These "friends" would be cut out faster than I could say deadbaby. Seriously. You don't need them, hon.
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