Last night M decided to forego the baptismal service but he did go to the post-christening party at the friends' house. I stayed home, was happy to do so. I encouraged him to go if he wanted to.
He was gone almost 2 hours. I figured it must be going well. When he got home he seemed saddened, spent. It was ok, he said. I only saw the baby from a distance. I only talked to K & K (the Babyland friends) at the very end when I was leaving. I talked to mom and dad all night; I hung out on the patio. It was uncomfortable. Awkward.
Our other couple friends were also in attendance, having been named god-parents. Good to see you, buddy. That was it from them. On his way out, the new mommy handed him an envelope saying You don't want to open this. It was a picture of the baby. Of course I opened it when he got home; it felt like a dare. See, I'm opening it. Ha ha. I can't believe she said that to you. Why would she give that to us and say that? Well, it's opened. There. I'm still alive. See. Ha.
I'm getting so angry. I hate it.
I feel for him. He feels rejected, left out. The circle has moved on without us.
We're friends with another couple who actually introduced us, and we're the godparents for their baby boy that's almost one now. They know the BabyLand friends through us, but now with babies in common, apparently they've been getting together more often and do things all the time. We haven't seen them in two months. I called her a couple of days ago and we had a long chat, with the underlying theme being you need to move on. That's a whole other blog entry.
We saw our psychologist on Tuesday. We talked about the monotony of it all; my analogy of my little fish moving rocks around his tank. She talked about a book she had read, written by a widow about the first year after losing her husband. How every day was a repeat of the day before, how each day was the same. That's exactly how I feel. Get up, eat, exercise, work, eat, tv, bed. On the rare days that the sequence changes the moods remain the same. Still nothing is different.
Is this it? Is this the new normal I've been promised?
So, the next dilemma is:
I was invited to a bachelorette party on Sunday for the future sister-in-law of the BabyLand friends. I replied yes, looking forward to seeing the girls sans baby, and anxious to have a night out. M overheard a conversation last night that implied that she is indeed bringing the baby to the bachelorette party. I assumed this would have been safe territory. I jumped the gun.
Then, of course, there's the wedding itself, which is next weekend. The invitations have been in play for months, long before this drama ensued. We replied yes, months ago. Now I'm not sure. I don't want to have an emotional breakdown in the midst of someone's wedding. I don't want to spend an entire day uncomfortable and worried about who I'm sitting with for dinner. I don't want to send in a last minute regret either, as I feel like that could be a last straw in the remaining threads of this friendship. But at the same time, I'm thinking, what do we really have to lose?
What would you do?
4 comments:
It is kind of the new normal for me. As time goes on you find more than the mundane, not without the fret that you have here with the party & wedding.
Color me catty though, who brings a baby to a bachelorette party? Seriously. But maybe since it's on a Sunday it's a mellow event anyways. Still.
I would feel more obligated to go to the wedding and skip the bach. party. The wedding probably won't be easy, but sit in the back and leave when you want to leave. Don't make yourselves more miserable by feeling obligated to stay all the way through.
That's my assvice for you.
Hang in there hun.
Thank you; I do appreciate it.
My sentiments exactly re bringing a baby to a bachelorette party. I just assumed the baby would not be coming. Yup, it's a Sunday, but Monday is a holiday so no one has to be home early. Although none of us are big drinkers, I'm sure the jello shooters will be prevalent along with penis-themed decor and the normal trappings of bachelorette parties. Baby in tow.
Sigh.
Life for me too feels very much like lather, rinse, repeat. It is wearing on me.
I also agree that bringing a baby to a bachelorette party is ridiculous. Who does that?
I know that this is an old, old post and as I am reading from oldest to newest knowing the outcome (a girl from my Pregnancy Loss group gave me this info, since your loss was so so so similar to mine) but I have to say, the friend thing was a shock to me. There is one friend who said terrible things to me, I call it the 'one up', saying I was lucky I wasn't like so and so, this terrible thing happened to them--turns out she had a miscarriage at 5 weeks. Big physical difference than almost dying and having what equated to a late term abortion! I don't talk to her anymore. She doesn't call me. A mutual friend sticks up for her, not me, saying "Oh she is just like that". It really makes you realize what is important in a friend.
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