First of all, you guys are awesome. Thanks so much for the honest and insightful comments on my last post- it really did help a lot.
After lots of dwelling and debating I talked to M about the whole "bring the baby" scenario and decided on what I was going to do. M felt very strongly that I should try. He reminded me multiple times that it had been a long, long time since I had seen the baby and that things had changed a lot since then, it would likely be easier now. After all, these are his oldest friends, and he wants to keep them (if it was entirely up to me I'd say forget it and move on). I wasn't as convinced, but I agreed to try with the disclaimer that I might have to "run to the store" if I got uncomfortable.
So, I emailed her back and said it was ok to bring the baby, and after all that, they didn't come.
Agh.
Now I guess it's out there, and they could show up at any time at all baby in tow.
I'm so engrossed in my own day-to-day survival right now that I think I could (maybe?) manage the visit. I mean, we live in different worlds, she and I. It's impossible to make the non-babylost understand my perspective on things; I gave up trying a long time ago. I'm getting pretty good at faking it around the normals- it's just easier to pretend- and we'll see how well my acting skills hold up.
Medical updates- Dr. Internist wants to up my meds a bit. I wasn't surprised, and my bp's been creeping back up there and I just got a reading of 159/105. Great. Love.nox started hurting like hell the past two days after a few days of pain-free shots. I think it totally depends on where I do the injection. I haven't learned my safe spots yet. I'm back to my ObGyn tomorrow so we'll see where things fit.
6 comments:
Glad you came to a decision about the baby issue. And for now at least you don't have to deal with it anyway. It sounds terrible - but when my SIL and her husband are at her house - I take a lot of showers... just to get some time away.
I hope the BP meds bring your numbers back down.
I have to agree that the Lovenox sucks. Somedays it is no problem at all - then others - OUCH! Somedays make a huge bruise and others barely make a mark.
You're kidding! I get totally annoyed when I get all psyched up for something and it doesn't happen ;) Regardless, I admire your strength and respect you for your decision. It sounds like it was a good one, especially in light of your husband's feelings/ relationship with them. I have found that things get progressively easier the older other children are, fwiw.
As for your thoughts re being engrossed in your day to day survival . . . I get it. Other things seem so trivial comparatively, but there's no way to make others realize that, so eventually you give up. When I do that I find myself only have-invested in conversations; kind of "checked out." I hope I fake it well :) Some people would say I do that to keep from facing reality - but I think it's a rather fine survival tactic :)
I didn't get a chance to comment on your last post, but I understand your feelings.
My stepbrother and SIL had a baby girl that was born at almost exactly the same time my twins were supposed to be born. That little girl is two years old now and has a sibling on the way and I have never seen her and, in fact, haven't spoken to my stepbrother and SIL since her birth. (though I did send a few baby presents).
I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get over it.
Sometimes just making a difficult decision brings a kind of relief, and I hope that's the case for you with this one.
I'm sending strong wishes that the visit goes as well as it possibly can, that the BP meds do their job, and that little baby continues to grow, grow, grow.
well, at least you have met them half way, made the decision. often, the anxiety for deciding or before the 'event' is way worse...at least for me.
Oh I hate when people cancel on me! It takes so much energy these days to build up the courage to see people then when I do and people cancel, I lose it. I especially hate it when the kids are the excuse. Kid is sick. Kid had a bad night. Kid did not get morning nap and I want to scream. Use any other excuse, just not the kid. I don't need to be reminded again how easy and carefree my life is, without my kid.
Brave decision though, and I hope they don't just show up uninvited one day. That's never cool, I like to be prepared for these things!
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