When they said I would be closely monitored, they weren't kidding.
I am at 6w 1d. So far, this pregnancy is pretty much identical to my early pregnancy with Charlotte. That scares me. The difference this time is that they know to watch me, and watch they're doing.
I've known about this pregnancy for 2 weeks. So far, I have had five doctors' appointments, with two more this week. My bp has been all over the place, from a great 111/60 to a horrific 160/107 (although I had just run upstairs so there's my justification- it calmed down a couple of minutes later). I met with a hematologist who had no definite answers about heparin and was panicked about my platelet count which has dropped since I got pregnant- not a good thing for a HELLP mommy- and I was sure at that appointment she was going to admit me to the hospital. She didn't, but I had an extra appointment with my OB to discuss and there was consensus that I will be watched even closer, if that would be possible.
The vivid dreams are starting already- I have had one dream where the baby has died (I am anticipating many of these dreams)- in that dream I miscarried now and it was so real that when I woke up I had to go to the bathroom to check to make sure it was indeed a dream.
Our first ultrasound is scheduled for March 31st and I am dreading and looking forward to it at the same time- mostly anxious that there is indeed a little wee baby in there and hoping like all hell that it's growing ok.
No nausea- at least not yet- but I didn't have any with Charlotte so I'm not surprised. That I can live without.
It's still so surreal. I'm expecting the pregnancy to end soon- I have no medical support for this hunch and I've had no cramping and no bleeding, but I think that's my heart protecting itself by expecting the worst.
I KNOW I'm going to get Pre-E and maybe even HELLP again. I mean, the BP is already all over the place and my platelets concern me a little.... I am just hoping hoping hoping that all the preventative measures I am doing will buy me enough time that baby will be big enough to survive. Realistically though, I have to prepare myself that at 23 or 24 weeks I may have to deliver again, if I make it that far.
The semester at the university is over in a month, and my plans after that (if I am still pregnant) are to lie on my left side, sleep and go to the doctor. That's it. Keep my bp as low as I possibly can.
Fingers crossed. That's all I can do.
6 comments:
First, take a deep breath! Now EXHALE!
the one thing that really helped me in the beginning was the serenity prayer: God give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
You have already changed what you can--frequent doc visits and close monitoring. Now you have to have some faith in the rest.
Hang in there!
I wish this were easier, less scary, less stressful. I'm glad you have vigilant doctors and that you'll soon be able to take it easy, and I'm hoping and hoping that good things happen for you.
Ya. what they said :)
hopping and praying for you and bebe.
I have everything crossed for you and I dearly hope you get what you are wishing for. Thanks for sharing your story.
How stressful and scary for you. I second the serenity prayer. I have recited it to myself many times. And your plan for the summer sounds like a good one:)
Thinking of you.
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