So, where's your tree?
Oh, it's not up yet. Probably Christmas week. We're not doing much this year- just the tree. I'm not putting up my village or the rail garlands or anything. Minimalist, this year.
Oh. giggles. Well, you should put your decorations up!
This is the summary of about four different conversations I've had this past week from friends and family. Wondering about the lack of decor at our house. There are outside lights, bare along the eave. No wreath or garland or anything like that. Inside, nothing yet. Probably the 22nd or 23rd we'll half-heartedly put up the tree, in a different room than usual so it's not in our sight all day.
It's the reactions that have surprised me. Their surprise, first. Prior to the conversation there obviously has been no thought that Christmas will be difficult for us this year.
When I say, no, we're not doing that, I can see the glimmer of recognition across the faces, and then the Oh, combined with the same tone of voice that you would use with a child who's heart is crushed after dropping a cookie. Oh you poor thing, you'll come around.
The sympathy is gone. It's been replaced by pity.
It makes me so mad I could scream.
11 comments:
Exactly. So this is so awful.
Meant to sorry, not "so".
((HUGS))
Oh how I hate the pity! I too have had this conversation with so many recently and it's getting annoying! I can't believe they've already forgotten or can't understand why I wouldn't feel festive. This is why the suprise bothers me! I feel like shouting remember my baby died in February ... maybe this is why I don't feel like celebrating?! I guess they'll just have to think we're scrooges and I'm fine with that! ((HUGS))
I don't think we've had lights on our house since we lost Katie. We do put up a tree every year, but not much else. And it was a hard thing to do that first year. The one thing that made it right for me was buying some special ornaments that are "hers." Over the years, our entire tree has become a "Katie tree" -- all sorts of Classic Pooh & angel ornaments, as well as several sets of baby booties, which are given to the parents attending our support group's candlelighting. We don't get many visitors, & I can only imagine the expressions we'd get at a tree covered in baby booties. ; )
We didn't really decorate after losing Abby and no one "got it" either. DH and I were just talking last night about how Christmas had lost its magic. It's just not the same. Hugs.
Yup, your words resonate with me too. UGH.
Yep, I've found this too. For some reason family aren't comfortable with us still mourning our baby girl on Christmas Day. Even taking into account that Christmas day is her first birthday and she has only been gone for six months. What they are most unhappy with is the fact that we don't want to spend Christmas with them and my sister's newborn.
You spend Christmas your way and forget about the others.
We've put nothing up and plan on keeping it that way. I wouldn't worry. I also got a Christmas Card that read "we know this Christmas wont be what you hoped". Hello, understatment anyone??!
There's a big difference between sympathy and pity, and you've pinpointed the feeling of it.
I'm starting to get this, too, and I have to wonder how people can be so dense as to not get why celebrating the year's most infant-focused major holiday isn't fun after losing a baby.
The pity is awful. Just. awful. These people just don't get it, Heather. I mean, they just can't know the pointlessness of everything after losing a baby, and that it lasts for a really, really, really long time. I like to say that they lack the emotion of the experience and they certainly lack the perspective we've gained. Lucky for them, I guess.
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