I don't know how many of you have a mother-in-law like mine. This is a good, old-fashioned venting post.
She considers herself an expert in many fields. Mostly medical. She read a few online articles about HELLP and pre-e and considers herself an expert there. She also considers herself an expert on premature babies as my husband was born at 36 weeks. I know 36 might have been a bigger deal 30+ years ago, but in my world, I don't even consider that early.
I am forever presented with well-meaning misguided information and advice.
Quotable quotes from the weekend:
Well, I think you're going to be just fine. You LOOK so much better this time. Your belly isn't nearly as saggy.
(Thanks?)
Your belly is a funny shape, same as Aunt J's used to be- she had a girl, I bet you're having a a girl.
You know, with iron low like yours I bet that's why your bp is high. I bet if they fix your iron your bp will straighten itself out.
(I asked three different specialists if there was any correlation at all. They all gave definitive no's.)
I found M's first snowsuit in the basement. I'm saving it for this baby.
(A 32 year old baby snowsuit that's been stored for the last 20 years in a moldy basement? I don't think so.)
Then there was this lovely conversation:
MIL: If you can keep your bp controlled until 18 weeks or so, you'll be fine.
Me: Well, it'll be a good start. But I can still get pre-e or HELLP at any time.
MIL: Yeah, but they can stop it. I read it goes away on its own.
Me: It goes away on its own AFTER delivery. That's the only cure. If/when I get it again, baby comes out.
MIL: I read it went away on its own.
Me: It does. After delivery.
Aaauuuggghhhh.
So, entertain me ladies. I know some of you have well meaning "experts" in your lives. I'm in the mood for some funny stories. Anyone?
7 comments:
My baby was born at 36 weeks. Medical staff(nurses and doctors) did not consider this to be prem AT ALL. Totally with you on that.
My mother in law gave me a lecture whilst I was still in the hospital myself recovering from my c-section about how I absolutely had to get home and learn how to drive immediately if I was going to take care of a 'special needs baby'... plus she was telling us we needed to open a special savings account for her future as we would need lots of money to take care of her.
Considering we didn't even have a diagnosis at that stage I thought that was a bit much. And driving? Like I could be trusted to get behind the wheel of a car when I was under that much stress?
Her advice wasn't wrong (except that my baby didn't have a future to save for) but I thought her timing was ridiculously off. I ended up having to tell her that I was focused on my baby right now and that other stuff could wait.
Some people just can't hold back. They have to say it no matter the cost. People need to learn that sometimes support is just being there, not directing, not judging...just being there and not adding to an already stressful situation. Sorry you have to put up with that. What a pain.
Oh wow. Holy freaking cow wow. I would have gone nuts! And here I've been writing a post about my MIL in my head complaing because she could care less, has no idea what HELLP is or the fact that I was seriously sick and will be very high risk again, etc. I think I'll take that to your alternative though :)
Ah, the experts. My MIL hasn't been very involved, and my Mom is pretty much a sweetheart, but my SIL has a two year old and another on the way, and her MIL is very opinionated.
When C (SIL) and her MIL were talking about how C wouldn't let her daughter "cry it out," something that her MIL thought was bad parenting. The MIL said, "But she'll learn that whenever she has a problem, you'll be there." and C said, "Yes, exactly."
Oh man my MIL is the same way. She reads all these self help books and new age stuff and then proceeds to criticize me for getting shots for my back because of pain. It drives me nuts! And also tells me all the things I "should" be doing to get pregnant.
My MIL doesn't believe in breast feeding because she didn't do it. So every time I fed him during her visit she asked me if I wanted to give him a bottle so we knew exactly how much he is eating, despite the fact that he is packing on the pounds!
I just keep thinking, "I'm not going to be that MIL!" :)
It wasn't advice, but my sister said to me after my son's stillbirth (because I'm a doula): "Well, this must be a little easier on you, because you've got a knowledge of the whole process."
Right.
Like a firefighter grieves less after losing his whole family in a house fire because he knows how fires are started?
Well meaning people really can be ridiculously callous sometimes...
Oh my, I hope you don't mind that I laughed, especially about the snowsuit comment. Gross!
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