If I was a regular non-babylost woman, I probably would have woken up this morning with a huge sense of relief that now, on this magic day of 12 weeks, this pregnancy was definitely real, and this baby was definitely coming home.
Even in my new pessimistic, don't-count-your-chickens mentality of dead baby mom, it's still a milestone. Moving closer to the uncertainties of trimester 2, when everything and anything can go wrong.
With Charlotte, my BP spiked somewhere between 12 and 14 weeks. Appointment at 12 weeks- OK, Appointment at 14 weeks- 170/110. I'm resting a lot more now, hoping that I can delay the shift for as long as possible. Keep bumblebee growing on track.
More than anything, I really really want this baby to come home.
M and I went car shopping yesterday. Both of our cars are off lease soon, and we're faced with the ever present dilemma of what we want vs. what we need. M had his heart set on a sporty little car with a million horsepower (for what, I don't know), where as I was pushing the family-friendly SUV. We took Charlotte's stroller with us to test out for size.
Charlotte's stroller and car seat were two of the few things we had bought for her. Along with everything else baby and pregnancy related, they were taken from the house and stored at my in-laws while I was in the hospital recovering last year. Everyone thought it would be too painful to return to a house of baby things. It was painful either way. "Out of sight, out of mind" doesn't work for this.
Anyway, M dug them out of the inlaws basement a few days ago and brought them home in preparation for car shopping. He put it together and pushed it around the house for awhile. It's hard to believe that we never used it. It's even harder to believe that in six months or so there might be a baby in it.
The next month or so will be very telling in this pregnancy. My BP is still ok, but creeping up there. I hope it stays reasonably low. This baby needs to grow.
9 comments:
fingers crossed for low bp!
ah. let your hubby dream of his sports car - even let him take a few on test drive. my dh too is like that, but i know he will choose for the baby when it comes down to it.
when i was at the hospotal, i asked them to close the nursery door before i came home. but they had moved other things, some down to the basement, and I knew exactly where everything was supposed to be - and had been moved. Nothing helps.
12 weeks is a great milestone. I hope your BP stays low for the next 6 months!!!
Good luck with the car shopping. It's never been something I enjoyed doing but I think that has a lot to do with the car sales people.
congrats on 12 weeks. hope the next 28 go smoothly for you.
I hate that we can't "unknow" now, what we know, once we've experienced a loss like this. :(
It brings everything into focus, makes it more immediate.
I can't imagine being pregnant again, but when I do let my mind go there... I think it will be like holding my breath for nine months. :x
Thinking of you.
Have faith, take care of yourself and rest when you can...and you are right, out of sight does not equal out of mind. I refused to let anyone else touch Abby's things. I wanted to be the one to put her stuff away.
Now, getting it back out for Alison has been just as hard. Hugs.
Out of sight out of mind didn't work for us either. We kept all Hope's stuff here, as I liked having the reminders that yes I was a mother and yes I did have a baby. It still all sits unused in the nursery, but we will use it soon. Very soon I hope. You will use all your stuff too. You will.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and keeping fingers crossed that you BP stays down and things go smoothly for you!
Try not to cheat yourself the milestones. Each and every one counts and has helped me to get closer to the other side. But you are right, there is no certainty in passing 12 weeks. For me, there is no certainty in passing any milestone, since my son died 6 days after my due date. When do we get to feel safe, I wonder?
Post a Comment