5 lbs. That's the estimate of the measurements this morning. Sounds like such an important number.
I said to my nurse, that's the size of a regular baby. I never, ever thought Bee would grow that big.
Bumblebee was cuddled right in to the side of my placenta, nose mashed right in. Looking pretty comfy, which showed in his (lack of) movements. He's still being a very lazy baby, but we can always get him coaxed out of hiding with a popsicle and some jiggling. I had to go to L&D once this week for monitoring when he went nearly an entire day barely moving, but he woke up 10 mins into the monitoring and threw a party. What a relief.
Anyway, section is booked for two weeks from today, October 16th, depending on the results of the amnio on the 15th. I really, really, hope that it will be ago. I'm done with this.
We went to see our psychologist yesterday, for an "Oh my God there might be an actual baby at the end of this" appointment. It was helpful. M is so, so, nervous. A different nervous than me- he only sees a rainbow at the end of this journey- but he is worried about his emotions interfering with his ability to parent, he's worried that he won't know how to hold him, what to do with him. He's been reading compulsively on the internet about newborn/infant care, which is probably not good. He is so excited about the bumblebee but is so scared. He's worried about having an emotional breakdown when we meet him, he's worried he won't know what to say or do with a squirmy, crying baby.
I'm worried about all of that too, but I figure we'll manage. I'm expecting an emotional breakdown (perhaps those of you that have already had your post-loss babies can share your experiences), and I really will be surprised if we don't break down. It will be the same hospital, the same OR, the same doctors. So many commonalities, but (hopefully) so many differences. Can't imagine it. Really can't.
We grilled the resident this morning (who was the same resident I had had last year with Charlotte) about what to expect in the surgery, etc. She said if all looks well with the baby after the Apgar scores they'll bundle him up and bring him over to put him on my chest, where he will stay with M and I we're ready to head into recovery. Seriously. They are going to give ME the baby. I'm not sure about that, I'm scared to all hell to be honest. I remember after Charlotte was delivered getting so, so nauseated in the surgery, and I couldn't hold her. I hope I can hold this baby. M is not confident in his ability to hold it together so it's entirely possible we might be handing the baby off to a nurse or something. I hope that Bumblebee doesn't mind.
At this point, if these are the worst problems I have, I think we're doing pretty good. :-)
BP is still heading on an upward trend, but just under the threshold for hospital admittance. Hopefully can hang out at least a little while longer without having to go in.
9 comments:
This sounds like great news.
I have to say that with my post-loss baby, I felt fairly detached, which was probably accentuated by the fact that it was a surrogacy. All through the pregnancy, I refused to let myself get attached, wouldn't look at the u/s screen, did nothing to prepare.
As a result, when he was born, I had trouble believing that we were actually going to get to keep him. I held him and fed him, but for a few days it was almost as though it was happening to someone else.
(only sharing this because you asked)
Everything sounds like it is going well. WOW only 2 weeks to go! the feeling you and your hubby are completely normal for anyone not to mention all you have been through! You both are going to be GREAT PARENTS!!!
Hope the next 2 weeks go by fast and uneventful!
I can't believe we're even "talking" about this :) How stinkin cool.
Sometimes I allow myself to think there might be a "real live baby" at the end of all this. I go back and forth between thinking we'll breakdown - and thinking we'll just shut down and be rather distant. Either way, it will be an expression of amazement. I'm interested to read the comments of those who have "been there."
So excited for you and M both. You'll both do wondefully, I just know it :)
So glad things seem to be going well!
My sister has said that the first week or so, all she could say was "I can't believe we have a baby!" The first few weeks were filled with joy and worry. Like all new parents, I suppose, but with an extra twist of the knife.
Hoping the next few weeks fly by and the Bee is soon in your arms, sleeping, screaming, making *you* cry with joy.
two weeks - come on bumblebee- you can do it!
Do you have family coming to help? Are there newborn coaches available in your town? Might help with the anxiety just to have someone scheduled to come check in after getting home.
Go, Bee! This is exciting, happy stuff, but I can see where it's also scary. I know that you and M are going to be great parents, whether you break down & get scared or not.
Hoping for really good amnio results!
That just sounds so damn close, because it is! Oh Heather, you have done so amazingly well. I'm here for you, cheering along on the other side of the world.
I can't believe it's two weeks already for both of us!
I don't know how I will be either. I just can't fathom it.
For what it's worth, I think hubby will be okay. You'll probably have to fight for cuddles.
Fingers crossed for both of us.
xx
I know I was so convinced something would go wrong all the way until the moment I heard him cry and they told me he was ok, that when I saw him I was in total shock and kept thinking, 'really? really? really?' and it wasn't until I got my hands on him that I started to believe I might actually really have a baby. It was so surreal.
5lbs!! YAY!
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