Visits and nurseries

So, I did go to the hospital to visit friend and baby. It was ok, in fact, I kind of enjoyed it. She was understandably tired and weak, so we only stayed 10 mins or so, but long enough to see the sleeping little one in his bassinet and chat to our godson and hand out gifts. There was nothing revolutionary, nothing that surprised me really. It was something I don't think I could have done a few months ago, but now it was ok. The baby was sweet (aren't they all?). I didn't want to hold him, and I'm glad that he was sleeping so it wasn't an issue.

We now have a baby room in our house. We weren't going to touch it for some time, until after there was a better chance that there would actually be a baby to live in it. M doesn't like to be bored, it was a rainy weekend, and he wanted something to do. A quick trip to the hardware store and we had paint and mouldings and two days later, a baby's room, with assembled crib and everything. It's cute. Some visiting relatives brought gifts this weekend so I even have a blanket and some little clothes. Slightly surreal.

Charlotte's room was never done. We had all the plans for what we wanted to do, but we also thought we had all kinds of time. Nothing ever changed in there, until a few months after we lost her when we turned the room from an office to a spare bedroom. It's still that today, and there have been many, many nights when I've ended up in there to sleep. You know, on those sad nights when you're up pacing the floor at 3 am. When we started thinking about a room for this baby, I just couldn't give him Charlotte's room. We decided to use the third bedroom, and I'm glad we did. It's new, it was never intended for any other, and it doesn't hold the missed possibility of the other room.

It's strange having a nursery. Makes it more real. I keep wandering in there wondering if this baby will live in it.

25w4d now. Getting along. Drs are happy. BP was a bit high yesterday but ok today. The next BPP is on Thursday so we'll see how the growth is going and whether or not my worries last time had any base. Bumblebee has been quiet lately which freaks me out some, although his heartbeat is strong at the doctors'. We'll see.

The doctors have said, from the beginning, that because I had a classical c/s last time, they'll probably do an amnio around 34-35 weeks and deliver asap after that. They don't want to risk me going into labor, and really, with my history, if I make it that far I think everyone will just want this baby OUT. Including me. It occured to me yesterday that's in 10 weeks, not even. 10 weeks is nothing. 10 weeks is forever.

Of course, I could have this baby in two days, next week, in a month. Hopefully hanging out as long as possible, but the end is coming, one way or another.

Please come home, little bee. We need you here.