Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, little Charlotte.

We miss you. So, so much.

***

I had a horrible night last night. It was the first really agressive cry I've had in a long time - you all know, the type of crying that leaves you gagging and choking. The injustice of everything reared its ugly head once again, and I sobbed for the day Charlotte should be having today, I sobbed for all the things she never got to do or see, and I sobbed for everything we've lost over the past year.

There are very few memories since last April. It's mostly a blur, really. In some ways it feels like forever, and in other ways it's hard to believe that it's been 365 days since the words "immediate delivery" came out of my MFM's mouth.

We have our fancy dinner reservations tonight, and at least it's something to distract me. Between now and then we're going to bring balloon's to Charlotte's stone, and then make a butterfly-shaped birthday cake from scratch. Just M and I, and Charlotte.

There she is, my sweet girl, with her dad. A few minutes after she was torn from my tummy; I was still in surgery when this picture was taken. She was still alive, still gasping for air.

What a year this has been.